There’s a popular belief that men don’t want to see their friends settle down or fall in love with a woman. This popular belief is similar to the one about Santa Claus. It’s just not true. I may not promote love, marriage, or commitment. If a man is single, it’s on him to choose when not to be. But for my closest friends who do get in the ring and fight the good fight with one woman for an extended amount of time, I stay posted in their corner like a prize fighter’s cut man. All of my boys know, if ever they need someone to talk to about their woman woes, they can talk to me. Not because I have all the answers, but because I pass no judgment. If they’re happy with their woman, I’m happy for them.

Of course, the opposite is also true. If they’re not happy with their woman, largely because the woman isn’t acting right or has done something foul to him, I take matters into my own hands. None of my boys have ever asked me to say something on their behalf to a woman. They all fight their own battles, which is something all men should do. But whenever I meet the new lady in my friend’s life, I always take it upon myself to let her know not only who I am, but what I am willing to do for my best friends. Like I protect my younger sister from wack dudes who don’t mean well, I too am my brother’s keeper. They may not be blood, but they’re the closest thing to it, so I tell the woman something like this: Look, you know my boy really likes you, right? Seriously, I’ve known him for years, and I’ve never seen him act this way about anyone. He’s a good guy too. I’m sure you know that, I mean, why else would you be with him right?

Right. But look, just so we’re clear I want you to understand something. You better not hurt him. Okay? I know you’re probably thinking, What about him? He better not hurt me. And trust me, I may not know you, but in everyone’s best interest, I will do my best to see to it that he treats you right. What you need to worry about is being on your job, because if you’re not on your job and I find out you’ve done him wrong or did some scandalous stuff, I’m going to do everything within my power to make sure he drops you like a bad habit, but that’s not all. I’m also going to get with one of your best friends, one of your girl’s you practically call a sister, and break her heart like you broke my boy’s heart.

I don’t care what she looks like, as a matter of fact, if she’s not that cute, it’s even better, because we all know unattractive women are easier to manipulate. But that’s neither here nor there, just know, if you do something wrong to my boy, and I find out (you know he won’t tell me, men don’t do that, but I’ll find out anyway), watch your best friend’s back because I will get with her, get her hopes up and then drop her like I will make my boy drop you. If I do my job right, your shoulder will be soaked and sore from all the crying she does on it. I know it sounds mean, I know it sounds harsh, but I am my brother’s keeper. Just remember that, and everything should be fine. Enjoy each other. I’m happy for both of you.